Picky Eater Enabler or Responsible Parent?

A good friend mentioned to me in an email the other day that she may be guilty of enabling her kids to be picky eaters. After taking in the context of her comment, I decided that I disagreed. In fact, I thought she was acting as a responsible parent. This got me thinking…am I a picky eater enabler? Should I make my kids eat what I eat or not eat at all? I don’t want to fall into the trap of becoming my family’s short order chef. But I also don’t think food should be put on an “eat this or else” plate. Where is the line?

Let me give you a specific example. Let’s say one evening for dinner I cook fish, mashed potatoes and zucchini. I know my kids don’t like any of the food I am preparing, but I serve it anyway. Maybe they taste it, maybe they don’t. Maybe they can’t stand the smell of the fish or the consistency of the mashed potatoes. Whatever their reasons, they won’t eat. I tell them that’s what’s for dinner, like it or leave it. They choose to leave it claiming that they are not hungry. They leave the table in a bad mood with their plates untouched. Fifteen minutes later it is dessert time. The kids come bounding in for dessert and want seconds. Soon it is bedtime and the kids want snacks. I give then some cheerios. They are still hungry so I give them apple slices.

Have I won the battle? I cooked one meal, yes. But my kids ate dessert, cheerios and apples for dinner. Meal time was about unhappily looking at food they didn’t want to eat, disobeying my commands to take a bite, and leaving the table feeling hungry and dissatisfied. Then moments later, they return to the kitchen whining for more food.

Here is an alternative scenario to the above example. Let’s say I cook fish, rice (instead of mashed potatoes) and zucchini as well as broccoli. I know my kids do not like to eat fish or zucchini but I also know they love rice and broccoli. I offer them a taste of the fish and zucchini. Maybe they taste it, or maybe they give it a big “yuck.” Then I fill their plates with rice and broccoli and make a mental note to have a protein they like at dinner tomorrow. The kids happily eat the food that they like while watching my husband and I eat the additional food items that they refused. Everyone leaves the table with clean plates, feeling full and satisfied. When it is time for dessert, the kids eat one portion and do not ask for more food before bedtime.

Am I enabling my kids to be picky eaters because I am catering the dinner menu to their likes and dislikes? Some might say yes. But I say no. Catch phrases always sound great when I hear them by themselves but when put into play in real life, they don’t always hold up. My goal for dinner is to have some food on the table that I know everyone will eat. Everyone doesn’t need to eat EVERYTHING on the table. But everyone does need to eat SOMETHING. My job is to make sure there is something for everyone.

Kids get hungry. Kids need to eat. Kids need to consume food with nutritional value. Eating should be a positive experience which should leave kids feeling satisfied with what they have consumed. My job as a parent is to build-up my child’s confidence in eating good food while slowly expanding her tastes into new territory. Some kids naturally try new food while others tend to want to eat the same thing over and over again.

I don’t think I am enabling my kids to be picky eaters. Instead, I am making sure that everyone has something nutritious to eat while instilling a little bit of meal time confidence. Helping kids develop a positive relationship with healthy food, even if their repertoire is limited, is more important than getting them to taste new food. So go ahead and make your kids’ favorite healthy dish. Just keep trying the unfamiliar food without forcing the issue.

Growing Food

 Today I had a lunch date.  A 10:35am lunch date with my daughter and her kindergarten class in the school lunch room.  A cafeteria full of 5 – 7  year olds eating their lunch is certainly a sight to behold.  The organization and strategy needed to simply complete the task at hand is impressive.  I mostly sat there with my mouth open, taking in the scene, wondering if herding cats would be an easier operation.  The teachers who walk around the cafeteria making sure the little kids eat their lunches and behave nicely told the kids to eat their “growing food” first, and then dessert.  My daughter held up her sandwich and pointed to her cantaloupe and whispered to me, “this is my growing food, mommy.” 

Growing Food.  What a fantastic phrase.  It’s not good food or bad food, healthy food or unhealthy food, food that mommy wants you to eat or food that you really want to eat.  Instead, it’s about growing up.  I’m pretty sure that all kids think about growing up in some way, every day.  So to talk about nutritious food as food that will help you grow is just brilliant.  No one is saying that cookies are bad; instead they are saying that a sandwich will make you grow. 

This phrase allows the child the independence to think through the scenario himself.  “I want to grow up and be a big kid…I will eat my sandwich first….then I will eat my dessert.”  The phrase Growing Food teaches little kids WHY we want to eat nutritious food rather than just forcing nutritious food without an explanation. Thank you to the lunch teachers, for inspiring our little ones to eat their growing food.    

Box of Treats: Butternut Squash

The other day in the grocery store, I found myself looking at some organic grapes. They were expensive, but looked very good so I decided to splurge and buy them. A day later at home, I opened up the package and found the grapes to be covered with mold.

Ideally, I would like to buy locally produced organic fruits and vegetables for my family to eat, but in my hectic, non-stop busy world, I simply don’t always have the time to make an extra stop at a farmer’s market or specialty store. Sometimes I force myself to make the time but most weeks it simply gets in the way of soccer practice or ballet class schedules. I end up looking for organic produce at my regular grocery store which is often over priced and simply not that fresh. Fortunately, many organic farms are embracing the concept of selling a box of organic fruit and vegetables that are locally grown, once a week. I just signed up for a 15 week CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) subscription through our local preschool for a weekly box of treats.

The concept is fantastic. I don’t have to go to a special market for organic produce and I don’t even have to decide what fruit and vegetables to purchase (the mix has been decided for me based on what is ripe). As I pick up my box for the week I am delighted by the surprise mix of organic fruits and vegetables. If I find myself with a vegetable that I don’t typically cook, I am forced to try new recipes and figure out new ways to incorporate the unfamiliar vegetable in to our meals and snacks. Some might find this stressful, but I see it is a fun challenge that will keep my whole family eating healthy and trying new things.

This week there were three large butternut squash in my box of treats. I love butternut squash when I can purchase it peeled and sliced into chunks ready for steaming or baking. But when I am shopping for vegetables and come across whole butternut squash, my lazy side kicks in and I typically keep walking. Sad, I know. But, here I was with three beautiful squash in my kitchen, already paid for. “How many ways can I cook this,” I thought.

The first one I peeled, sliced and steamed and then offered it to my kids for an afternoon snack. My kids are accustomed to eating sweet potato in this way so when my daughter asked what it was, I responded with “it is just like sweet potato.” Only after they had tasted the squash and determined that they liked it and asked for more did I tell them it was called butternut squash.

The second one I peeled, sliced and steamed but this time I pureed it into soup. My kids wouldn’t taste it (they are not big on soups), but my husband and I enjoyed it.

The third squash I decided to bake. I am more found of savory squash rather than sweet or with nutmeg so I baked it with butter and salt. I scraped out the baked squash, mashed it with butter and salt and served it as a side dish for dinner. My kids have a hard time with the mashed consistency so I didn’t get many takers.

Stay tuned for more recipes and ideas that come to mind as I open my weekly box of treats.

The Independent Kindergartener

When I think about getting my kids to eat nutritious food, in the back of my mind I know that one day my kids will grow up and be faced with making decisions about what to eat on their own. Right now I decide what’s for dinner, I let them know what the options are for breakfast each morning and I am the one who packs their lunch. I know that teaching my kids about what it means to eat nutritious food is just as important as getting them to consume it. One day I won’t be there, looking over my daughter’s shoulder, to guide her in her food choices. All of this I know will happen one day. I just didn’t realize that day was today.

“Sweetie how come you are not drinking any water from your thermos during lunch?” I ask my 5 year old after her first two weeks of kindergarten as I unpack her lunchbox at the end of the day.

“Oh I don’t need my thermos, Mom,” she replies with the attitude of a teenager. “I like to get chocolate milk instead.”

“You BUY chocolate milk every day?” I ask in amazement.

“Yes, its sooooo fun, mom,” she responds with a smile.

“But I don’t give you any money,” I wonder aloud, “so how are you buying milk without any money?”

“My teacher asks us if we want to get milk,” my daughter explains, “so I get in line and pick my milk.”

“And then what,” I coax her to tell me more.

“Then I stand in line and I give the lady my number, 40655, and then I go sit down and eat my lunch and drink my chocolate milk.”

There you have it. Just like that the chord of nutrition control had been severed the minute I enrolled my daughter into kindergarten and the teacher handed out student ID numbers for making purchases at lunch time to be billed to the parents at the end of the month. Now, it’s my daughter’s choice. Sure, I can still guide and advise her. But at the end of the day, or in the middle of the day, I should say, it is my 5-year-old, standing in the school lunch line, choosing what she wants to drink. All of a sudden it is no longer about only giving her healthy choices. She has met the school lunch line and now it is up to her to make healthy choices on her own. Of course, I can lobby to improve school lunches and do away with flavored milk. I plan to participate in the PTA committee for school wellness and bring about healthy changes in the years to come. But I also have to deal with the reality of today – my daughter purchasing high fructose corn syrup chocolate milk for lunch.

Just before bedtime that night I call my daughter over to me for a serious talk. We talk about drinking regular milk and how it is good for your body. We talk about chocolate milk that she has at home (in small portions and without the high fructose corn syrup) when she can brush her teeth right after so the chocolate doesn’t sit on her teeth all day and give her cavities. I tell her about how she eats many treats but ones that are approved by me and not necessarily consumed during school. We talk about how she needs healthy food to give her energy and keep her awake so she can learn and play at school. Most importantly, we talk about making healthy choices that are right for her, rather than just doing what everyone else does.

I have no idea how much of our talk got through to my daughter. And of course, drinking chocolate milk at lunch is not the end of the world. But it is the tip of an iceberg that is lurking beneath my feet. The tip of unhealthy habits may seem innocent and inconsequential, but I know better. My gut tells me that giving in to high fructose corn syrup drinks at lunch for a 5-year-old will only pave the way for more unhealthy habits to come. I know that if I stand my ground for nutrition over empty calories, she will feel better, have more energy and develop a taste for more healthy food down the road.

Easy Yogurt Muffins

I don’t bake. Or at least I don’t enjoy baking. It’s true. Just ask my friends. When we have people over for dinner and they ask what to bring, I tell them dessert. At a friend’s house one day my 4-year-old discovered that baking cookies didn’t mean slicing up batter from a shrink-wrapped package. It’s not that I am so bad at baking. It’s only that I don’t enjoy the process. I love to cook. I love to put together a little of this and a little of that and come up with something new and tasty. I find chopping vegetables at the end of the day to be calming and therapeutic. Getting out the flour and sugar and mixing bowls is just more of a chore than I am usually up for.

My daughter, however, loves sweets. If I don’t bake then she will eat sweets baked someplace else with most likely more high fructose corn syrup, sugar or trans fat than I would like. So...I moved the flour and mixing bowls to a more convenient location in my kitchen and decided to make the effort to bake more often.

Here’s a recipe that I found online and then changed a little here and a little there to make it my own. I encourage you to do the same. Feel free to add blueberries or chocolate chips. My son likes them plain so we eat them as a breakfast treat. Enjoy!
Easy Yogurt Muffins

1 cup whole wheat flour
3/4 cup all purpose flour
¼ cup sugar
½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp baking soda
½ tsp salt
1/2 cup oil
1 cup (8oz.) vanilla flavored yogurt (if you use plain yogurt, you might want to add a little more sugar)
1 egg
(optional: chocolate chips or blueberries)

Preheat oven to 400°F. Mix dry ingredients together in a medium mixing bowl. Beat egg, yogurt and oil in a small mixing bowl. Add wet mixture to dry and mix together. Spoon batter into muffin cups with paper lines. Bake 15-20 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool on a drying rack. Makes 12 muffins.

Less Hide, More Seek

Someone just brought up the concept of hiding vegetables in our kid’s food. I have to say that I am not a fan of this approach to getting kids to eat vegetables. I do not think hiding vegetables in other “kid-friendly” food is the answer to getting kids to eat nutritious food. As a mother, I do not have the time nor desire to play veggie-dress-up in the kitchen every day.

I say let cookies be cookies and vegetables be vegetables. If we don’t teach our children what a carrot looks like, tastes like and how it makes our body feel, there is no way our kids will grow up eating vegetables. Sure, hiding vegetables in cookies will give your kid one serving of vegetables today, but what about tomorrow when you aren’t there to offer your special veggie-cookies? I think eating healthy should have more long term goals than today’s daily dose.

The way to get kids to eat vegetables is to teach them how they look, feel and taste – vegetables are yummy, not yucky. Teach kids what nutritious food tastes like so they will grow up to make healthy choices for themselves.

When it comes to nutritious food, a little less hide and little more seek is always the way to go.

A Veggie Vacation

My family and I just spent a week vacationing at a remote, camp-like ranch in the woods. We slept in rustic cabins with minimal plumbing and electricity and spent the days swimming in the pool and nearby river, playing tennis, kickball and shuffleboard and taking pony rides. My husband and I had a great time and so did our two kids. But the one thing that comes with this kind of communal living is communal dining. All of our meals were served family style in the dining hall cabin. When it was time to eat, an enormous bell was rung and all the kids and adults came running from all corners of the ranch.


Don’t get me wrong. The food was great. It was brought in fresh, cooked in the kitchen cabin and served on big platters at large tables. I enjoyed the meatloaf supper, BLT lunch and fajita night. In fact, I ate so well that I probably gained a few pounds, never mind appreciated having someone else cook for me. But my kids are different story. If they don’t like what is on the table, they will eat potato chips and drink lemonade and call that lunch. Or, they will eat rolls and chocolate pudding and call that supper. I’m okay when that kind of “you get what you get kid-dining” occurs once in a while. But when it goes on for an entire week, we have a problem.
To be honest, it’s not the lack of nutrition that bothers me the most. It is the direct effect that poor nutrition has on my kids’ behavior. Cranky kids make cranky parents. If my kids start whining and crying at the drop of a hat, my mood goes south and so does my sense of vacation. I give my kids healthy snacks in order to ward off bad behavior. Sure I want my kids to eat nutritious food so they will grow up to be healthy kids and adults. But my immediate concern is more selfish than that. I want to get through the day with as few tantrums and meltdowns as possible. What’s my solution? Feed them healthy snacks BEFORE they fall apart.

So, here I was, about to embark on a week-long vacation of communal dining. I played out the scenario before it even began. The kids pick at the food during meal time and fill up on cookies, potato chips and ice cream afterwards. Soon their behavior deteriorates which requires me to yell more, administer numerous time-outs and eventually no one is having any fun, including myself. Before we even go down that road, I decide I need an alternate plan. In order to have a good time on this trip I need to bring my own supply of nutritious food that I know my kids will eat to supplement whatever is being served in the dining hall. But how can I do that if I won’t have a kitchen?

Well, I started with what I did have: my own family cabin with electricity, a mini-fridge and running water. I decided to purchase a small rice cooker with a steaming basket for under $15. I figured with this little gadget I could steam vegetables, cook pasta and rice with just a little water and an electrical current.

And so I did. In the evening after the kids went to sleep or during nap time in our cabin, I steamed carrots or broccoli and made rice or pasta and then packed it up to store in our mini-fridge for the next day. I gave the veggies to my kids for late afternoon snacks before dinner time and, depending on the menu, sometimes brought the pasta or rice (and sometimes a can of black beans) to the dining hall to add to their plate during meals.

My solution wasn’t perfect but it got the job done. My kids received their daily dose of vegetables via snacks between meals and always had something nutritious on their plate that they liked in the dining hall. This kind of home-made supplemental nutrition had the desired effect that I was going for. My kids’ junk food snacking was kept to a minimum and their over-all mood swings remained somewhat balanced. Okay, so you can’t solve all of your tantrum problems, but it is worth a try. Happy summer vacation!




VEGGIE VACATION TIPS:

1. Skip the fast food dining as much as possible when on a road trip. Try stopping at a rest stop instead. Picnic outside and make your own PB&J sandwiches.

2. After a potty stop, get the kids moving. Try leading 5 minutes of family stretching, jumping jacks and running in place. You will look very silly, but laughing is also a good way to get the blood flowing.

3. If you are not cooking your own meals, find a way to prepare veggie snacks to supplement in between less nutritious meals.

4. Don’t over-sugar your kids just because you are on vacation. Limit desserts to a reasonable number and proportion.

5. Remember that even on a road trip or at the beach, well-timed nutritious snacks can help ward off bad behavior and meltdowns. Whether the kids are watching movies in the car all day or very active outside, they still need nutritious snacks to keep them going.

6. When bedtime gets pushed later than normal, remember that kids still need to clock in their sleep. Enforce an afternoon nap time or rest time to keep them from falling apart with exhaustion. Or, adopt an early bedtime every other night to counteract the late nights.

7. Relax. This is your vacation too! Do what you need to do to make it fun for everyone.